


On Thievery: Eros

by Abstract_Thoughts



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Detective Viktor, F/F, F/M, M/M, Phantom Thief AU, Supernatural Elements, based on an au by samochas on tumblr, good shit good shit that's some good shit right there, im in love, morally dubious yuuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2018-11-13 19:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11191950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abstract_Thoughts/pseuds/Abstract_Thoughts
Summary: Eros is Paris's most notorious criminal- a master theif who just always manages to get away. Detective Nikiforov asks himself every day, just who is he? Well, he's Katsuki Yuuri- Nikiforov's nephew's ballet instructor.





	1. Atmosphere

Delicate, practiced hands worked on the case- a glass slide cover with motion sensors. Honestly, you'd think the Louvre would have better security. As Eros picked the lock, a voice came in his earpeice:

“ _Got the lock yet? I can only bring the power down for about 10 seconds_ ,”

Eros laughed quietly, “You gotta take out the block, I take it, P?”

Laughter from P, “ _Yeah. All those people along the Seine are gonna have quite the scare. And down in the Metro,_ ”

“Got the lock,”

“ _Power down in 3_... _2_....”

“Stop right there, Eros!”

“ _1_!”

The Museum went dark, and Eros snatched the carving, shoving it in his bag, wrapping it with bubble rap as he spoke. “Detective!” he drawled, turning to his handsome trenchcoat-clad nemisis- a tall, platinum-haired man with gorgeous blue eyes, Viktor Nikiforov “What a- how do you say?- _suprise_!”* his french accent was terrible, t'was true.

Nikiforov scoffed, “Is that supposed to offend me? I'm not even French,”

Eros lowered his eyes, smiling, “I know that,”

In the blink of an eye, the theif was turning and running. They were on the second floor, and leaping out of a several-hundred year old window in this part of town was suicide, not to mention how he'd probably break his legs on the cobblestone.

He'd have to get to the Metro, cause chaos, loose them there.

Whirling around a corner, with gunshots on his heels, Eros put a hand to his ear, making sure the piece stayed in, “P, can you get me into the Metro?”

“ _I can try. There's no way you're jumping security anymore_ ,”

Eros hissed in disapointment. Security in this damn city was so much tighter recently, but who could blame them?

“Just put down the system long enough for me to duck into a bathroom,”

“That _I can do_ ,”

Eros burst out of the _Musse_ , causing people to scream. He leaped onto the down escalator, leaning on the railing and smiling up at Nikiforov.

Nikiforov was hot on his tail, though, actually running down the escalator.

“You really shouldn't run on these things, Detective,” Eros turned and leaped over the edge, calling over his shoulder, “You could hurt someone!”

“ _You gotta move faster. It's quite a run from in there,_ ”

“C'mon, P!” Eros snickered, “You know I have the best-” he grabbed a table and shoved it towards Nikiforov, “-stamina!”

He pushed his legs- those damn delicate ballarina legs- and ran up the stairs. Into the Parisian streets, with Nikiforov screaming both French and Russian obscenities at him, Eros easily cleared the way as people shrieked and leaped away in fear. There were a few people- clearly tourists, with maps and backpacks and looking generally really confused- who asked what the hell was going on.

“ _Alright! Your nearest Metro stop is across Rivoli- yes, that way!- and about a block from there!_ ”

“Thanks, P!” Eros wheezed, running straight into traffic. Breaks were slammed, and people screamed obscenities at him, “You weren't kidding when you said a block...”

“Get back here!” Nikiforov gasped, as if Eros was actually going to do that.

Eros stopped at the entrance of the Metro station, and turned to Nikiforov, who looked very suspicious of his stopping.

“You're lucky you're very pretty, Detective,” Eros smiled at him, “Or I wouldn't really give you the time of day,”

“You have the right to remain-” Nikiforov tried to say, but Eros swiftly moved forward, putting a finger on his lips.

“Shh, sweatheart,” he said, dark eyes remaining steady, “You locked yourself in your cuffs, again,”

“ _Que_!?” Nikiforov screamed, and Eros slipped into the Metro.

Eros slipped through the doors, and called up to the Detective, who was running down into the Metro, with his hands together, “I had a lot of fun, tonight, sweetie, but I'm afraid I have to run! Toodles!” he grabbed the edge of his cape, and ducked into the crowd.

 

…

 

Viktor swore to himself in Russian, then said to the nearest security guard, “ _Pardon moi, monsiour_? Could you uncuff me, please,”

The guard sighed, shouldering his gun, “Don't feel bad, sir. I barely saw him move and you were in those things,”

“I'm not embarrased!” Viktor barked, “I'm angry. I should know his tricks by now,”

“We all do, sir,” the cuffs came off with a _clink_ , “He's slippery. I betcha he has the most dangerous day job in the world,”

 

 

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!”

Yuuri raised his hands in defense, “It's okay, you just messed-”

“I messed up!?” Yurio stood to his full height- which wasn't really that intimidating, especially because he was just in a black t-shirt, tights and ballet shoes-, “I know that! I can't do that! IT'S JUST A FUCKING PIROETTE!”

“We're just practicing,” Yuuri ran his hand along his face, “Look, why don't you take a break, okay? You shouldn't stress yourself out,”

Yurio sulked over to the bathroom, grumbling about how “you don't know stress” and “don't tell me what to do”.

Oh, if only he knew.

The door opened with a _di-iing!_ , and Yuuri turned to the door, “ _Bonjour_! Welcome to- Oh! Salut, Viktor!”

Viktor, who looked like he hadn't slept all night, said, “ _Salut_ , Yuuri,”

“I take it you didn't catch Eros last night...?” Yuuri asked, trying not to smile at the thought.

Viktor stared at him blankly and said, “No. And if he calls me sweetheart one more fucking time-”

Yuuri took a step towards his friend, and put a hand on his shoulder, “It's okay, Vii-chan. I'm sure you'll do it some day,”

Viktor blanched at the use of the honorfic, as it sounded slightly off in French, but smiled, “I certainly hope so,” he moved to the edge of the small studio, slumping down in the a chair, “How's Yurio?

Yuuri gave an awkward laugh, “Honestly? A pain in the ass,”

There came a shout of, “Heard that!” from the bathroom, and Viktor laughed.

“You know the walls are thin in here, right?”

 _Of course I do_. “Honestly, I don't really pay attention to that stuff,” Yuuri laughed awkwardly, again.

Viktor nodded, “I keep telling you, you gotta learn to pay attention to your surroundings,”

 _I'm better at that than you'll ever know._ “I know,” Yuuri sighed, sitting down next to Viktor, “But I guess not all of us can have the riviting dangrous job of being Paris' number one detective,”

Viktor snorted, “More like Paris' number one laughing stock,”

“Vii-chan-”

“I can't even keep up with a petty theif,”

“I mean,” Yuuri said, almost getting offended at the thought of being a “petty theif”, “there wasn't much you could do from what I saw. If you shot at him, you'd shoot into a crowd, and from what I can tell that's bad,”

Viktor laughed, “Yes, I suppose so. Just between you and me, that guy has the most stamima I've ever seen,”

Yuuri shot his eyebrows up, “Viktor Nikiforov can't run a block, now? Even though he was inside the Museum, and therefor we had to run about 3 blocks,”

Viktor put a hand over his chest, as if offended, “You have wounded me so, sir!” They both laughed, and Yuuri smiled at him. A genuine smile, because Yuuri really _did_ enjoy his company.

It was such a shame that if he ever found out the truth, one of them would have to die.

 

…

 


	2. Meet me at Midnight

Eros leaned on the concrete barrier, eyes drifting along the edge of the Seine. He couldn't see a fucking thing.

Also, his mind had been whirring for the past 3 days.

 

_“... And therefore we ran about 3 blocks,”_

 

How could he have been so stupid!? He said “we”, as if he- Katsuki Yuuri- had been involved in the chase between Viktor and Eros.

He'd made it out to be a stumble over his words, but it was clear Victor hadn't believed him. Or at least, if he did, that didn't matter. It wasn't his fault that Yurio's uncle was also one of the most well-reknowned detectives in Paris.

He just had to make sure that Viktor never figured it out, no matter how pretty he was.

“Eros!” The latter drifted his eyes up to Nikiforov, who was standing on the Point Neuf, staring down at him, “You said to meet you here. What do you want?”

Eros smiled, “Come down here, and find out,” God, one could almost _feel_ Viktor roll his eyes.

Haphazardly, the Detective climbed down to be bank of the Seine, and Eros smiled at him, “You're gorgeous in the sunset light, you know that?”

Viktor snorted, “What do you want?”

Eros pouted, “No need to play hard-to-get, _mon ch_ _é_ _ri_ ,” his eyes turned to the edge of the River, again, and he said, “You know, that isn't the original bridge? The original had so many locks on it, it collapsed,”

“Locks?” Nikiforov repeated.

“ _Oui_. People would come from all around the world to 'lock their love',” he turned to smile at him again, “ 'course, I suppose you'd only ever do that with- what was his name?- that ballet instructor? Katsuki Yuuri?”

At the sight of Viktor's face lighting up, Eros smiled, “It's such a shame that I have competition, he's rather cute,”

Nikiforov grabbed the theif by the front of his jacket, “Why are you telling me this?” he snarled.

Eros' smile turned to a smirk, “Because I know you have suspicions of him being me!” Viktor looked stunned, and the theif started laughing, “Honestly, I'd be insulted if I didn't know he could barely speak French!” he made his voice higher, mocking hiis own fuck-up, “ _Oh_ , _même s'il était à l'intérieur du musée, il fallait donc courir environ 3 pâtés de maisons_!” he burst into laughter, mostly because he'd made such a simple fuck up and it was driving him nuts knowing that Viktor suspected him, and because this was all a show! If Viktor thought he was a derranged, theatrical lunatic, so be it!

Personally, Yuuri thought he was very sane, but insane people usually said that.

“If you hurt him,” Viktor growled, “so help me God-”

Eros' laughter died down, and he blankly stared Viktor in the eye, “You want God's help? Then trek up to the _Notre_ , because you won't find him in me,” he then smiled, “I mean, unless you're into that,”

Viktor shoved him back, and Eros groaned, “Oh, c'mon, sweetie!”

“I thought you'd actually have something to say,”

“I do,”

Viktor turned around to ask what, but the thief was already gone.

 

…

 

Viktor slumped down into his desk chair, his fingers digging into his hair.

“I take it that wasn't worth much?” asked Christophe Giacometti, a journalist who was alowed to stick around because a) he'd do it anyways, and b) Viktor needed someone to talk to.

“He just flirted with me,”

“So nothing new?” Chris ventured, leaning over Viktor's desk to snap a picture.

“He threated Yuuri,”

Chris' hands stopped moving, and he said, “How so?”

“He called him his 'competition', and laughed his ass off at Yuuri saying 'we' instead of 'you' the other day, and just generally seemed like he was really threatened, or at least offended, that I'd been the tiniest bit suspicious,”

Chris gave a soft _hmm_ , then said, “It seems that he's very narssasistic- not just the trait, but almost like it's a disorder,”

Viktor snorted, “Thank-you, Mr. Psychoanalyst,”

“Viyata!” Viktor looked up as Yakov slapped down an all-too-familliar envelope. It was dark red, lined with black, and a white rose petal taped to it. On the front it read:

 

_You know who_

 

For a second, Viktor feared this was a threat, and he opened the envelope, in which was the usual card (the same red with a black border), which today read:

 

_Sweetheart! We've had our quarrels, but_

_I do think that some shopping will calm you down,_

_non? By shopping, I mean shopLIFTING. haha_

_I'll be on the Champ-Élysées at_

_Valentino at 21h00. xoxo_

 

“Valentino, 21h00,” Viktor said aloud, “Champ-Élysées,”

“Half hour,” Yakov conlcuded, “Everyone, get moving!”

 

…

 

Eros fiddled with the lock, again. A guy can want pretty things, no?

Well, pretty things to send to Viktor.

“ _It's almost 21h_ ,” came P's voice from the earpiece, “ _Unless you have some magic superpower, you're not gonna unlock that fast enough,_ ” there was a pause as Eros continued on the lock, “ _You don't have some magic superpower, do you?_ ”

“P, this isn't a _story_ ,” Eros snickered, “If worse comes to worse they need to think I do. God, if I _did_ , though...”

 _Click_ went the lock.

“ _Power's out in 3... 2... 1!_ ”

The power died, and Eros reached in and grabbed several thousand dollars worth of jewlery, shoving them in his bag.

“Stay right where you are!”

“And here, I thought you'd try to be early for me!” Eros turned on his heel, smiling at Nikiforov, who had come in by himself.

“We were,”

“ 'We'?” Eros repeated, putting a hand over his heart, “ _Mon ch_ _é_ _ri_ , these traitorous actions hurt me so!”

Viktor snorted, “Are we going to sort this peacefully, or are you going to-”

Eros strode across the room, and put his hand on the side of the Detective's face, “You know I don't flirt with you to deflect your attention, sweatheart?” the thief's hand moved around along Viktor's jaw, running his thumb over his lips. His eyes moved from lips to Viktor's eyes and he said, “I do really like you,” he leaned close, putting them so close together that Viktor could feel Eros' breath, “That's why I'm really sorry,”

There was a distinct _cli-iing!_ and Viktor found himself handcuffed to the wall. Eros ducked into the attached hotel, and all Viktor could do was shout into his walkie-talkie that the suspect had left the area.

 

…

 

Yurio grumbled to himself as he untied his shoes. Viktor and Yuuri were having some sort of really serious conversation in the studio- so serious that Viktor had his hand on Yuuri's shoulder, and was talking to him quietly.

“He's angry about something...” Yurio said to himself, putting his shoes in his bag. He stretched his feet, wiggling his toes so his tendon's didn't take a shit. He picked up his phone.

 

_Otabek :)_

_listen i know ur at lessons or whtevr but like i have an idea_ 16h17

 _meet me at the school when ur done_ 16h28

 

Yurio quirked an eyebrow, locking his phone and putting it in his pocket. He pulled his sweater over his shoulder, and then shoes and socks on his feet. He slung his bag over his shoulder and moved back out into the studio, and caught the end of his Uncle and teacher's conversation.

 

“... Just try to be careful, okay? If that fucker gets his hands on you...”

“I know, Vii-chan. I know,”

 


	3. Humanoid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I haven't really been updating a lot recently and this is so short im kind of in my grade 12 year so ive got a lot of college and other school stuff rn so im tryin guys

So,” Yuri sat down on the front step of the school, “What did you want to talk about?”

Otabek turned his dark eyes up towards his friend, and they glittered in the light of the streetlamps as the sun began to set, “Come check this out,”

Yuri heasitantly did as he was told, sitting perhaps closer to Otabek than was nessacary, and leaned over to watch the laptop screen, “What? It's just a video of Eros,”

Otabek raised an index finger and said, “Exactly,” he paused the video and pulled it another one, which was heavily editied, “Don't you ever wonder how Viktor always gets beaten?”

Yuri shrugged, “I just figured this guy was, like, super good, or something,”

Otabek blinked, “Sure, but watch this footage,” he pressed play, and it was the same footage of Eros from the Louvre the week before, only slowed down. It showed Eros ducking Viktor as gunshots rang around them, “See-” Otabek said, “He moves _way_ too fast! Watch, he's here one frame-” the frame showed Viktor pulling the trigger and the bullet exiting the barrell towards Eros, “and the next-” Eros was then several feet away, and in the air as the bullet hit the wall. It was like he was some supernatural iceskater or something.

No, that was stupid.

Otabek continued, “It's like he's not even human!”

Yuri put his elbow on Otabek's shoulder, leaning on it a little bit, “Who knows, maybe he's some demonic enitity that has something out for my uncle?” he shrugged, snickering, but Otabek didn't seem to catch the joke.

“Perhaps...” he kept going through the footage, until it was the security footage from the Metro entrance, “But... This freaked me out the most,” he played it again, and Eros was leaning forward, his hand on Viktor's cheek.

“Ugh,” Yuri spat, “I see why,”

Eros flicked his hand- just a little bit- and suddenly Viktor was in his own cuffs.

Yuri froze, “That's some good editing, Beka, but-”

“I didn't edit a thing,” Otabek said, “I just slowed it down,”

“That's- But- that's not possible...”

“You'd think so,” Otabek said as the last streetlamp flickered to life and the sun dipped below the Parisian skyline.

 

…

 

Eros skidded to a stop, turning to face Viktor as he and his groupies raised their weapons. He smiled at him, “Point Neuf, darling? How sweet!”

Viktor growled, “You're surrounded, Eros!” as more officers came up from the other side of the bridge.

Eros felt his heartrate start to pick up. No, no, no! He couldn't be caught, he-

 _Ah_.

He turned back to Viktor and smiled, “Not quite, darling!” With a flourish he was atop the edge of the bridge and leaping. Gunshots whizzed past, and he hit the Siene with a wet _slap_.

He was whipped up in the current, being pushed towards the Atlantic with a ferocious tenacity. He could hear Pichit shouting in his ear, but it wasn't distinct and then the earpiece was gone and he was drowning. Oh _fuck_ , he was drowning. His head was pounding and begging for air and there were boats and water and stone and _so much_ water.

_Let me breathe, let me out, gET ME OUT!_

And then he was, shooting out of the water like a rocket, hovering above the Siene like some sort of malevolent god- a nice thought, actually- the air bending to his will. He was only about 20 feet from Point Neuf, and he could see Viktor and his team staring at him.

In a panic, he laughed and saluted Viktor, “It was a nice try, there, sweetheart! But I'll see you again, soon!”

Still not really understanding what the fuck was going on, he just moved like he was going to run, and he moved. He moved back towards the water and slipped into the grimy deapths again, continuing upstream as it moved for him.

Good god, what was this?

 

…

 

Viktor leaned on the counter, playing the footage over again. He had to have been seeing things, or- or-

Or what? The footage was right there in front of him. It made no sense, it was illogical- terrifying, even.

 _Bzzzzt_. The detective leaped at the sound of his phone. He reached over and grabbed it.

_New Message from Yuuri: u okay? i saw the news._

Viktor closed his eyes, thanking any god that Yuuri existed and kept him from throwing himself off of a building. He sent back:

_im fine thanks. ummm yeah im still processing it lmao_

_haha yeah. um u sure? we can talk anytime_

Viktor promptly pressed the phone icon and called him.

“ _Salut, mon ami,_ ” Yuuri said, “What's wrong?”

Viktor snorted, “A lot, actually. I- I- I just don't...” He leaned forward on the counter, pressing the curve between his thumb and index finger against the bridge of his nose, “I have no idea what the fuck that was- and...”

“I understand,” Yuuri said, “I don't think anyone really knows,” he laughed awkwardly.

“That's true,” there was a pause, and Viktor said, somewhat impulsively, “I-if you're not doing anything, would you come for a walk with me? Um, I mean, I just need to get out and I don't want to be alone, and-”

“Viktor,” Yuuri said, “I'd love to,”

 

…

 

**Author's Note:**

> * “Surprise” is spelled the same way in French, but pronounced “Soo-pree”


End file.
